When Our Babies Need Healing, Mothers Do Too — My Story + A Path to Full Recovery

 

From Founder & Inventor at CozeeCoo®

 

Based on my Personal Success Story

Please Note: While this guide is written specifically for birthing mothers whose little ones are currently on or have undergone a medical journey, I believe many of the healing strategies can be applied to a variety of life experiences. The goal of this post is a path towards awareness, understanding, healing, prevention, and not feeling alone.

For anyone who personally loves my family and I, please know my body is fully healed —with the solid support of close family, friends and dedicated medical teams. It has been several years now and I am deeply grateful to say I no longer struggle with the circumstances I write about. Mental health is far more physical than previously understood, which means it can heal —and is why I feel a responsibility to share my story for others.

Topics include Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs), Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), and associated suicidality.

If you or someone you love needs immediate support, help is available.

For 24/7 General Crisis Support Dial:
• 988 (United States & Canada)
• 116 123 (United Kingdom, Republic of Ireland & European Union)
• 13 11 14 (Australia)
• 1737 (New Zealand)

 In Case of an Emergency Dial: 
• 911 (United States & Canada)
• 112 (United Kingdom, Republic of Ireland & European Union)
• 000 (Australia)
• 111 (New Zealand)

I am not a doctor. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, therapist, and/or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical and/or mental health condition.

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Jennifer Stelmakh. Photography by Stacy Honda

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Jennifer & Michael Stelmakh at AFSP Lifesaver's Gala. 
Photography by Kristen Connelly

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

I              Blog Post Goals
II             Background Timeline
III            My Story
    A        Postpartum Anxiety
    B        My Little Love's Medical Healing Journey
    C        Trauma Triggers and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder
    D        Suicidality and Healing
IV           11 Strategic Steps That Helped Me Heal Fully
V            Summary
VI           References
VII          Resources and Support

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This was our 2022 family photo. Two things are true:

1) 2022 was the hardest year of my life so far.
2) We needed this moment.
I coped that year by controlling what I could on the outside—keeping things orderly, beautiful, and calm when my inner world felt anything but. Setting up the picnic and tripod for this photo was more than just a family portrait—it was a small act of peace, a moment where I could regulate, and hold us together.

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I. 

Blog Post Goals

I'm providing this blog post for several reasons:

1) Mainly, at CozeeCoo®, my mission is helping babies thrive. One of the most powerful ways to do that is to support their mothers—often a baby's primary source of comfort, nourishment, and care. This is also the perspective I'm able to offer.

2) Secondly, I’m sharing my personal story to offer maternal awareness, understanding, healing, and ideally prevention of severe Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMAD)s, and severe Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) experiences.

 
3) Lastly, I outlined 11 Strategic Steps That Helped Me Heal Fully. My hope is they help guide others onto their own healing paths.

If you’re reading this and your heart feels heavy, I’m glad you’re here. What’s happening to you is real—and you are still you. A mother can love her family deeply and still experience severe mental hardship. One does not cancel the other. Your identity isn’t broken—your body needs support. You are not alone, healing is possible. I am living proof that when the body heals, the mind can heal too.

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II.

Background Timeline

Here's some background and a timeline before I jump in:

Motherhood is the greatest gift I've ever experienced. I am beyond grateful for my children and I tell them often. Hopefully all I do shows them so as well. A mother's love is immense to say the least. To share that with my best friend, my husband is the closest to peace I've ever felt. At the same time, postpartum healing and years of circumstantial and chronic stress went on longer than my body could handle. My nervous system remained in a prolonged survival state, which disrupted my hormone balance and how my body processed those hormones.

I developed a condition called Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD). For two consecutive years, each month (the day before my menstrual cycle began), for a very intense 24 hours or less, I experienced severe depression, which later evolved into suicidality. This condition was the most excruciating pain I've ever experienced. It threatened the wellness of my family, and made me believe two falsehoods: 1) I was to blame and 2) that it's permanent. After enduring an episode, I was left otherwise myself —aside from the aftershock and the urgent need to understand why it was happening. The year 2022 held peak intensity episodes accompanied by adrenaline. I had no choice but to realize PMDD had given me a very unique opportunity to study suicidality and make sense of it in order to eventually heal it. I succeeded. This blog post covers what I learned.

Experiences & Events:

1. 2015                    — Postpartum anxiety (PPA).
2. 2019                    — My baby's severe eczema & allergy healing journey.
3. 2020                    — Built CozeeCoo®. COVID. Trauma Triggers. Premenstrual
                                   Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)
4. 2021–2022       — Launched CozeeCoo®. War crisis in Ukraine. Suicidality.
5. 2023+                — Healing into fully healed.

Though my personal journey is rooted in extreme challenges, it's a testament to the resilience and unyielding strength that motherhood awakens. Over time, I discovered my capacity to endure and the relentless pursuit of healing for the fierce love of my family.

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III. 

My Story

Please note:
These are detailed accounts of my experiences mentioned above. This information is based off medical records, photo dates, personal calendar notes, and my recollection. It is to the best of my knowledge. These accounts are simply my journey and process to discovering my personal answers. My story is meant to share how PMADs & PMDD including suicidality can build up overtime, be supported, and healed. For the protection of readers, I do not recount severe episode details.

B. 

My Little Love's Medical Healing Journey

When an infant is on a medical healing journey, a mother’s nervous system often remains in a prolonged state of high alert. The drive to protect her vulnerable baby can override basic self-care needs — sleep, regular meals, hydration, and recovery — as attention is directed outward toward monitoring symptoms, anticipating needs, researching causes, coordinating appointments, and preventing harm.²,³ Over time, this sustained caregiving intensity can lead to nutrient depletion, hormonal disruption, and nervous system exhaustion, even in mothers who appear outwardly composed and capable.⁵,⁶ Highly productive and resilient individuals often cope with mental hardship by doing — organizing, problem-solving, creating, and taking responsibility — which can be adaptive in crisis but costly when rest and replenishment are deferred for too long.⁵ When the body is depleted beyond its reserves, symptoms may surface suddenly and feel confusing or disproportionate — despite being rooted in prolonged physiological strain rather than weakness or failure.⁶,⁷ With adequate support, nourishment, and relief from constant threat monitoring, the nervous system can recover — and so can the mother.

Late November 2018
Anthony was born, and just like his brother, he was perfect. I didn’t feel the same postpartum anxiety I had experienced with our Andrew. Michael thankfully had three months of paternity leave (unlike the 2 weeks he had with Andrew), which made the early days gentler and far more supported. We felt comfortable in the baby phase and complete as a family of four. 

When Anthony was around two months old, I treated mastitis, a backed up milk duct in the breast with antibiotics  —medication I was reassured was safe while breastfeeding. Later I would learn that this treatment caused Anthony's immune system to become compromised.

A rash appeared, then worsened. His skin became intensely itchy, and if I didn’t hold his hands away from his face, he would scratch until he bled. Nights blurred into one another as I hovered between staying awake or holding his hands down while we both attempted to sleep. The sleep deprivation was unlike anything I had experienced; my body shifted into survival mode.

When our pediatrician said, “I don't know what this is” and left the conversation to silence, I understood it was solely up to me to figure out what was harming my baby. My world narrowed to Anthony’s skin. While I desperately waited for specialty doctor appointments, I isolated myself in the nursery, studying every patch of redness and every tiny change. Michael took care of our three-year-old, Andrew. My intuition kept telling me that food was part of the story. Since I was solely breastfeeding Anthony, I went on a strict elimination diet to try and decode whether a food I had eaten was helping or hurting him.

One night, when Anthony was at his worst, I felt fear rise in a way I’ve never known: What if I lose him? My obsession to pinpoint the triggers increased. Michael pleaded gently for me to talk about anything else for our family’s sake, but I simply didn’t have it in me. I had already decided that failure wasn’t an option and whether I wanted to or not, there was no energy left for anything else. At the same time, what resulted were our answers: 

1) I invented the CozeeCoo®, —a wearable baby blanket, which was a great source of relief. It helped stop Anthony from scratching and comfortably retained his mobility. Then I had the energy for what followed.
2) I pinpointed the majority of Anthony's eczema triggers (aka non-IgE allergies) through my breastmilk and confirmed the remaining allergens with a skin prick and blood test with an allergist. We also worked with a pediatric dermatologist to treat staph infection and topically heal the severe eczema.

If you’d like the full story on Anthony's severe eczema and allergy healing journey, you can read this separate blog post. 

The CozeeCoo® helped our family so profoundly that our doctors encouraged me to sell it. I knew then that I had been given a responsibility to help others. We filed a patent and I began building a business around my invention —at night, while everyone else slept.

I compared Anthony's fifteen custom CozeeCoo®s (made to keep up with his growth), against the World Health Organization (WHO)'s child growth standards. I drafted patterns for six sizes, and sourced organic materials to make prototypes for production. It became a labor of love, purpose, and a kind of steadying clarity I desperately needed.

Early 2020
Then the world shifted. COVID was declared a pandemic. Masks were suddenly required but impossible to find —and I realized I had just sourced all the materials needed to make them. So instead of sewing CozeeCoo® prototypes, I made children’s masks for our school, family, and friends. I remember my hands shaking from more unknowns as I sewed the first tiny mask on my sewing machine.

When I developed mastitis again in April, instead of exposing Anthony to the antibiotics, I chose to stop breastfeeding abruptly. I found the unexpected ending hard but knew it was the best decision for us.

Despite everything, 2020 brought silver linings. Manufacturing slowed globally, which gave us the pace to enter production carefully and thoughtfully. And with more time at home, our two boys bonded in ways that still make my heart sing with gratitude.




C. 

Trauma Triggers and Premenstraul Dysphoric Disorder

Trauma triggers are not “just thoughts” — they are automatic nervous system responses that occur when the brain has learned to associate past overwhelming experiences with danger.¹,⁶ When reminders resemble earlier stress or trauma, the body can react as if the threat is happening again, activating fight–flight–freeze before conscious reasoning has time to intervene.¹,⁷ For mothers, this response is often intensified by hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, nutrient depletion, and prolonged caregiving stress.²,³,⁵

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) can further heighten this vulnerability by creating a temporary, hormone-driven sensitivity in the brain’s stress and threat systems before menstruation.⁸,⁹ During this window, emotional regulation is reduced and the nervous system becomes more reactive, which can amplify existing trauma responses, emotional pain, or intrusive thoughts.¹⁰,¹¹ PMDD does not create these reactions; it reveals an underlying biological sensitivity that is time-limited and treatable. With adequate medical care, nervous-system support, nourishment, rest, and reduced stress, regulation can return — and healing is possible.¹,²,⁵

By mid 2020, the weight of motherhood, my Anthony’s medical journey, and building a business during a pandemic was adding up. I began experiencing what I called “dark clouds.” They seemed to come out of nowhere and never lasted longer than a day. Getting out of bed simply lacked the adrenaline to do so. Any attempt at a positive thought felt flat and emotionless—almost inaccessible while negative thoughts carried emotion, logic, and weight. I felt overstimulated, and deeply overwhelmed —as if my system had run out of capacity. Words were hard to reach. I had to wait until it passed.

I never wanted the children to see me like that. Michael worked from home, and when I found myself slipping under, I would use the little strength I had to tell him to close the bedroom door and keep our little loves close to him. I wasn’t asking—I needed him to understand I was temporarily unable to provide care.

What made it substantially harder was how much I valued being present: as a mother, a wife, and the person responsible for sustaining CozeeCoo®. When my body wasn’t cooperating, the fear wasn’t just “I feel awful.” It was, “I’m failing the things I love most.” The pressure felt like pure agony—like each role was pulling at me at once. Later I would learn that I subconsciously held a zero-sum mindset for these three roles (I felt they were all competing for my fixed-amount of attention) and I feared deeply that one would lose over another.

The dark clouds occurred every few weeks and each one was gradually more intense than the last. When I tried to explain a dark cloud to Michael, the closest comparison I could find was the body’s urgent need to use the restroom: everything else gets preceded. You’re still yourself, but there is no redirecting the moment—it must be endured.

December 2020
I saw my physician and was initially diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). At the time, it felt like a label—but not an explanation. I knew I loved my life and my family, and yet there I was.

January 2021
Anthony was 2 years old. We pinpointed his non-IgE allergies and healed his eczema. While writing Anthony's medical timeline blog post for the CozeeCoo® website, I was immersed in photographs of his severe eczema as a baby. I knew revisiting those memories was difficult, but I felt a responsibility to tell the story so other parents wouldn’t feel alone. My body responded in a way that shocked me: although I had stopped breastfeeding nine months earlier, I began lactating again. My physician confirmed it wasn’t dangerous (as this can sometimes indicate a tumor). Instead it was a clear reminder of how closely connected the mind and body are. My body was trying to heal my baby —once again through breastmilk.

March 2021
CozeeCoo® launched, and it was a bright spot. I was filled with purpose and gratitude by helping families who were on medical journeys of their own.

By mid-2021, managing Anthony’s allergies and safety planning had become our family’s way of life. As he prepared to start school, I was so proud of him—and grateful for the support of his school. At the same time, even with routines and safety plans in place, I couldn’t fully relax. I noticed my body reacting to “simple” tasks, like filling out allergy paperwork, asthma plans, and emergency forms. My hands would tremble—not because I didn’t know what to do, but because my nervous system remembered why the forms mattered.

Early November 2021
I started seeing a private-practice therapist weekly. Taking the time to talk through my experience out loud —to someone who was not directly affected by it, helped me to begin pinpointing my trauma triggers. I knew I needed nervous system healing from my little love's medical healing journey. The triggers I was aware of were the ongoing allergy scares. My therapist suggested I begin tracking my menstrual cycle. I never did this before because I was irregular my whole life. While this proved to be correct, we also discovered my dark cloud symptoms were linked to my menstrual cycle. This is true for Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), a cyclical, hormone-driven condition. Pinpointing trauma triggers was important to heal my internal response to them. Triggers included allergy-scares and any argument/disconnect with Michael near the time of my menstrual cycle. We established how my precious children, my very supportive husband, and helping babies thrive with CozeeCoo® were my reasons for healing. I was referred to a naturopath in the building next door and decided to do some research as holistic health was a new concept for me at the time.

On November 15, I saw my long-time family physician. I told her what I had learned with my therapist. My physician diagnosed me with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and I created a formal Safe Plan with her. My physician knew about my work with CozeeCoo® and was very supportive. She asked me if my work with the CozeeCoo® families was a potential trauma trigger. The epiphany came over me all at once. I began heavily breathing. Intense relief was expressed through deep sobbing. While I was grateful to be helping hundreds of families on their own medical journeys, every story felt familiar. Every photo echoed something I had lived. I was exposing myself to trauma triggers daily —not in dramatic moments, but through repeated doses. I became concerned that I would need to stop my purpose-driven work and anxiety started to rise. My physician reassured me that she did not believe I needed to stop work with CozeeCoo®. I just needed to realize that my nervous system had been pushed beyond capacity and needed help. I felt total relief by this conclusion, which meant I was on the right path.

Early December
Life events continued to pile on. We spent the day at the Children's Hospital emergency room because pumpkin seeds were later found to be cross-contaminated with Anthony's anaphylactic allergens. Thankfully Anthony stabilized with an antihistamine and we learned more about allergy protocol from emergency responders.

I kept my therapist updated with life events and the work I did with my physician (and vice versa). It took nearly a year and a half of monthly dark clouds before I could finally name what was happening: my body wasn’t broken. My nervous system was overloaded—and my physiology had changed. I made an appointment with the referred naturopath.

As CozeeCoo® continued to grow —becoming an FDA-listed and registered Class I medical device and supporting babies on healing journeys around the world —I held tightly to a belief that had guided me from the beginning. At our core, I believed people are united by a shared instinct to help babies thrive. But on February 24, 2022, when the war in Ukraine began —where my husband was born and grew up, where his extended family lived, and when we experienced families fighting families —that belief was shaken.




D. 

Suicidality and Healing

Suicidality is a state of nervous system and physiological overload that can arise when prolonged stress, trauma, hormonal shifts, and depletion exceed the body’s capacity to regulate.¹,⁶,¹² In this state, subconscious survival systems in the brain may generate reflexive threat responses including intrusive thoughts or imagery —before conscious reasoning or intention are involved, which is why these experiences are often unwanted and deeply distressing.³,⁶ Suicidality is not a conscious desire or identity and does not reflect loss of love, attachment, or values. The effort to remain still, resist action, or wait for an episode to pass reflects preserved self-control and distinguishes this state from intent. As the body re-regulates through rest, nourishment, hormonal shifts, or sleep, symptoms may resolve abruptly, underscoring that this experience is state-dependent and physiological rather than permanent or predictive.

In the postpartum period and beyond, symptoms can develop quietly and progress when misunderstood or unsupported.⁵,¹³ Fear of being seen as a “bad mother” often prevents women from speaking up, despite maternal suicidality remaining a leading and underreported cause of maternal death in the year following pregnancy.⁴,¹³ Clinicians trained in perinatal mental health recognize this distinction and view help-seeking as a responsible and protective act. With appropriate medical care, nervous-system support, and safety planning, stabilization and healing are possible.¹,⁵,⁶

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IV. 

11 Strategic Steps That Helped Me Heal Fully

In the Order of Importance

1. Separate your identity from what is happening to you.
2. Tell someone.
3. Find a good team of specialty doctors.
4. Make a safety plan.
5. Document your menstrual cycle and symptoms.
6. Consider hormone testing.
7. Discover nutrient-dense recipes specific to your test results.
8. Learn about treatment options —medications and natural support.
9. Apply grace to yourself and the process (healing takes time).
10. Consider transitioning off medication(s) with guidance if and when you're ready.
11. Stay connected —you are not alone.

 

What we know:
Following birth, the body undergoes profound physical changes that already require recovery. When this is combined with caring for a little one on a medical healing journey—especially long-term—mothers can enter a chronic “fight–flight–freeze” state. This can lead to physical depletion such as hormonal shifts and imbalances, sleep loss, nutrient deficits, etc. Trauma triggers and/or ongoing traumas can can also affect the nervous system. These physiological changes can directly influence a mother’s subconscious psychology. We have names for these experiences because they happen to many people. The most important truth is this: the body and mind are connected—and we can heal.

PMADs & PMDD, which can include suicidality:
a) Are life experiences & conditions —something happening to a person.
b) Are NOT identities —not who a person is.
c) Can be healed.
d) Can be prevented.

Why this distinction matters:
Education is key. English unfortunately blurs the distinction between happening to and is/identity whereas Asian, Celtic, Germanic, Romance and Slavic languages all separate the person from the condition(s). You are not depressed. You're experiencing depression. This is the difference between a fixed state and one that can change (prevention and healing). 

Furthermore in English, most people don't hear the word suicidality (ongoing). We just hear suicidal (current) or suicide (past action) after a  tragedy. Here's the thing: there are many signs to look out for in the suicidality stage -so we should be most familiar with it.

This is not your identity and not your fault. You’re a loving mother experiencing symptoms to a physical and treatable condition. I personally named my experiences “the dark cloud,” or an "episode”. This was also the first exercise my therapist made sure I was doing as she said the separation from self is the first step toward healing. This helped me talk about my experience without confusing it with who I am, which leads me to:

2)

Tell Someone

I know at first I felt as though saying the thoughts I was experiencing out loud would make it more real. I felt by telling someone then I was giving up, wasn't in control or was being weak —but let me tell you, by being vulnerable, you are being responsible. You are taking the right steps to take care of you and your family. This is taking control. This is strength.

You can say: "I think I am experiencing signs of depression or postpartum depression. I would like to speak with someone who has expertise on this topic." Reaching out to someone who is not directly affected by what you have to say, such as a therapist can be incredibly helpful. Therapists can assist you in opening up a conversation to your loved ones in helpful ways.

If your situation is more intense, say this to one safe person: “I’m not okay, and I need help.” That is sincere strength. Help doesn’t mean speaking up and then doing it alone. Help means letting someone stay with you, listen to you, check on you, and take action with you.

Help can look like someone:

• Sitting with you so you’re not alone
• Helping you make a plan
• Calling a doctor or therapist with you
• Taking over childcare for an hour or more
  
• Driving you to an appointment
• Texting you tomorrow to ask how you’re doing
• Simply saying “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

If you don’t have someone available, call 988 (U.S.) or your country’s crisis/emergency line (listed at the top of this post). These lines exist for moments exactly like this—they’re trained, they care, and they want to help you stay safe until the dark cloud passes. A therapist can also be your first safe person. They can help you find the words, understand what’s happening to your body, and guide you in opening the conversation with family. And if the first person you tell can’t help you, tell someone else. And someone else. Keep going until you’re heard, supported, and taken seriously. Yes you can.

3)

Find a Good Team of Specialty Doctors

I improved when I stopped carrying this alone. Healing becomes possible — and safer — when you have a support team behind you. A good medical team doesn’t replace your strength; it amplifies it. Each professional sees a different piece of the puzzle, and together they help reveal the full picture of what your physiology and psychology are experiencing.

Below is the kind of team that supported my healing and the kind of care I want for you:

A) Medical Doctors (MD/DO) 

These clinicians are physicians — meaning they can diagnose medical conditions, prescribe medications, order labs, and coordinate care.This category includes:

• Primary Care Physician (MD/DO)
• OB-GYN (MD/DO)
• Perinatal Psychiatrist (MD/DO)
(a psychiatrist specializing in pregnancy, postpartum, hormonal shifts, PMADs, PMDD, etc.)

How medical doctors help:

• Rule out underlying medical causes
  
• Make a Safety Plan
• Diagnose PMADs, PMDD, Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) & Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), etc.
• Prescribe and adjust medications if needed
  
• Order bloodwork and labs
  
• Coordinate referrals and build the rest of your care team.

B) Mental Health Clinicians

These are trained specialists who do not prescribe yet play an essential role in recovery through making diagnoses and providing therapy.

• Psychologists (PhD/PsyD)
• Licensed therapists (LCSW, LMFT, LPC, etc.)

How therapists help:

• Identify patterns, triggers, symptoms, and make a diagnosis 
• Give language to what's happening ("naming the experience").
• Provide tools for managing intrusive thoughts and anxiety waves.
  
• Support safety planning.
• Refer to medical doctors when needed.

C) Naturopathic & Integrative Clinicians

These clinicians support the physical side of healing: hormones, nutrients, inflammation, endocrine balance, etc.

• Naturopathic doctors (ND)
• Integrative medicine physicians (MD/DO with integrative training)
(both look at the entire person — physical, psychological, hormonal, nutritional, environmental — instead of treating symptoms in isolation.)

How these clinicians help:

• Run hormone panels (urine & blood) & thyroid testing.
• Assess nutrient depletion (iron, B12, vitamin D, magnesium, omega-3s, etc.)
• Support the body through a nutrition, herbs, and targeting supplement plan aligned with test results.
  
• Review your menstrual cycle and symptom patterns. 
• Teach how physical depletion contributes to PMADs, PMDD, anxiety, depression, and suicidality.
  

How to find your team:
Choose providers who welcome questions, ask about family history and go over your notes in detail. Compare notes between providers and ask each one to collaborate together. You deserve coordinated care. Confirm diagnosis with lab results when possible. Your team should help you find the underlying cause(s). Don't compromise.

If finding your dream team is hard (as it can take time with insurance, availability, money, networks, geography, language, mutual respect, etc.), please know progress can still happen. Every bit of clarity you gain — even about what doesn’t help — is progress. You also do not need everyone all at once. Start with whoever is most accessible — then add to your team as you’re able.

You deserve a team that listens, collaborates, and sees your whole self —
your physiology, your psychology, your history, your exhaustion, your strength, and your motherhood.

• Numbers: 988 (U.S.) or your local crisis line; your friend; extended family member; your therapist/doctor. My perinatal psychiatrist gave me her direct line and this felt very important.
• Places: where you go if you need company (friend's house, extended family home, clinic lobby).
• Immediate Actions: hand your baby to a trusted adult; take a short walk; drink water; text your therapist "URGENT." 
• Severe Episode: lying down is helpful, tears release stress, rocking the body is soothing, this is happening to me, this is not me, this is not permanent, falling asleep makes it go away, you can get through this for your children.
  
• Routine: When your body is in survival mode, a “routine” can feel impossible. That’s okay. Ask your therapist or care team to help you set a simple rhythm: predictable sleep windows, regular nutrient-dense meals that are regular, hydration, a few minutes of fresh air, in the sunlight, a brief check-in with a friend. These aren’t luxuries; they are signals of safety to your nervous system. Build this with support, not self-pressure.

When I experienced Postpartum Anxiety and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder over five years of motherhood, the word "hormone" was never mentioned. When I finally asked about balancing hormones with my physician, she was very honest in saying her training doesn't support that. It's simply not taught. At the same time she recommended I get it done. It wasn't until I found my natropath that I took my first comprehensive hormone urine test. Reading through the instructions is necessary because the test needs to be taken at different times throughout a 24 hour period. It wasn't difficult though. For me it felt like self-care.

Clinician-ordered labs can look at hormones, thyroid, ferritin/iron, vitamin D/B12, inflammatory markers, and more. Postpartum symptoms (including intrusive thoughts) can be improved by balancing hormonal shifts. Testing doesn’t replace therapy, but it guides targeted support for the body. I also took a blood test to check my hormone levels. The resulting charts were a bit tricky to understand but my natropath was very happy to teach me. 

It was clear my estrogen levels were "off the charts" high. My testosterone levels were slightly high —and it was relieving to have answers. My iron levels were also high. I was eating a lot of dried fruits and cooked with an iron skillet. My natropath suggested I stop both for a while to see if anything changed. It did, slightly. So we began monitoring my iron levels to rule out Hemochromatosis (iron-overload) where the body stores too much iron. The good news is it's treatable. The next steps were to discover nutrient-dense foods aligned with my test results. 

7)

Discover Nutrient Dense Recipes Specific to Your Test Results

Guided by my labs, I realized I wasn't getting enough protein or nutrients for years — not intentionally, just realistically. With little ones at home, it felt easier to grab quick carbs or fruit. When preparing meals, I made sure everyone else ate but rarely made sure I did too. I was also on a strict elimination diet to identify my baby’s allergy triggers. At the time I had an underlying fear of food and my own intake slowly narrowed without me noticing. My body was depleted. 

When I finally rebuilt my meals around consistent protein, steady blood sugar, and nutrient-dense foods, my mood and energy began improving in a noticeable way and my iron levels balanced. For me, that included adding meat and nutrient-rich soups back in, like a bone broth cabbage soup that my naturopath recommended — and I perfected. I still make it today. I also monitor my hydration, which is typically water with electrolytes (tiny pinch of sea salt and a squeezed fruit like lemon or berries). 

Your path may look completely different. If you're vegetarian, vegan, navigating allergies, intolerances, or cultural food practices, an integrative clinician or naturopath can help you design meals that stabilize energy, support hormones, and give your brain what it needs: steady protein, good iron levels, omega-3s, vitamins, minerals, and hydration. If you’re breastfeeding, a registered dietitian can help you meet your needs while protecting your baby’s sensitivities. The goal isn’t a perfect diet — it’s nourishment that works for your real life, your body, and your healing.

8)

Learn About Treatment Options Medications and Natural Support

While food is medicine, medication is also a responsible and supportive tool —and not a judgment. Low-doses of serotonin with the anti-depressant, escitalopram (Lexapro) helped me stabilize enough to do the deeper healing work. My doctor and I discussed breastfeeding safety, possible side effects, and a future plan to taper off when my body was ready. 

If you’re curious about botanicals or “natural” options, speak with a qualified clinician first — natural does not always mean safe postpartum or alongside prescriptions. Your treatment plan should be personal, informed, and monitored.

At first, I was very nervous to take antidepressants. I thought it would change my personality or make me artificially happy. Instead, I finally felt like myself again — and could see how much help my body needed to reset. I believe escitalopram saved me. It made it so I could build my healthy rhythm again. This meant a nutrient-dense diet, hydration, an exercise routine that I enjoy (mix of slow stretching, yoga, walks, swimming, and kettle bell exercises) plus meditation in nature (especially in sunshine and near water).

9)

Apply Grace to Yourself and the Process (Healing Takes Time)

Practice steady grace (for a long season). Healing took me time. I started treating myself like I would treat a dear friend: kinder routines, slower expectations, more sunlight, short walks, texts to a friend, five minutes of journaling, a bedtime that protects tomorrow. I also protected my headspace by only surrounding myself with that which promoted peace and comfort (i.e. music, books, films, people and no news). On hard days I said, “This is an episode. It passes. I am allowed to get help.” Grace is a practice, not a personality trait.

Grace is also not perfect. It's allowing yourself to do what is needed to continue. Sometimes it's just resting. Sometimes it's a setback before a breakthrough. Sometimes it's celebrating small efforts as real progress, and recognizing that healing is not linear, but it is happening. You do not need to earn rest or calm; your body is recovering from more than most people will ever see, and you’re doing incredibly brave work by staying in the process.

10)

Consider Transitioning Off Medication(s) If and When You're Ready

When life felt steady and my healthy habits were second nature, my doctor and I planned a very slow, one year taper. No deadlines, no heroics. We watched for returning symptoms and stayed flexible. If you never taper, that’s okay. If you do, do it with your clinician—never alone. If you find you need to return to medication after tapering, bravo for recognizing what you need. There is no right answer here but your own.

11)

Stay Connected You Are Not Alone

Even after healing, I keep my medical team close with regular wellness visits. I check in with my support team regularly before I need them for long-term care, not one-time management. If you're in a really hard place, please reach out to the professionally trained services listed at the top and bottom of this blog post. You deserve healing.

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V. 

Summary

Life brings new chapters. My husband and I knew we wanted to move our family across the country to improve our well-being with more sunlight (a very noticeable, overall mood difference) and to be closer to his relatives. Because I was making such great and important progress with my medical team in Seattle, we chose to wait an additional year before moving. Once I felt my health was in a better, long-term place, we relocated to the east coast of the US. I found a medical team who is aware of and very supportive of all my health history. We do annual blood level checks for iron, white blood cells, ....etc. I eat rather healthy with fresh fruit & lots of locally farmed, grass-fed and finished protein. I keep an active routine with slow stretching, yoga, and kettle bells. I try to get outdoors as much as possible —even if just a quick walk outside in the morning. I meditate near water 1-2 times a week for 10-30 minutes (no matter the weather -I just dress for the occasion). 

I know a mama's to-do list never ends —but I used to race through it as if I was being chased, which was harmful. Now I choose to embrace the peace of doing tasks slowly. Whether alone or with my family, a soothing pace is applied when I fold laundry, drink tea, sing, stretch, paint or sew. Mainly, I try to be present as much as possible —even if it means scheduling a time to be present. I make sure to seek out the glimmers (opposite of triggers) in my life —the little moments that need soaking in like: sun beams through the window, my children's smiles, giggles, listening to peaceful piano music, noticing a butterfly, reading, taking part in what my children enjoy. When I slow down, they slow down and loving memories are made.

Healing has brought perspective, and capacity. Andrew is now 10 years old. Anthony is now seven years old. While we still take on the challenges of anaphylactic allergies, I'm thankful Anthony is no longer immersed in a severe eczema journey. Our family proudly advocates for allergies in our community and through Food Allergy Research and Education (FARE). I'm very proud of our boys. This healing allows me to hold a steady purpose for other families' experiences and to offer answers without re-entering my own past pain. This is an absolute honor.

I remain deeply grateful for how CozeeCoo® continues to grow and for how I continue to grow into my role of helping babies thrive. We've sold nearly nine thousand CozeeCoo®s globally and keep having record-sale days. The CozeeCoo® is stocked in 11 US pediatric hospitals. Through our partnership with Smile Train, the CozeeCoo® community sponsored five complete cleft surgeries (and counting) for babies in need. We continue to learn about medical applications the CozeeCoo® can help. I'm gearing up for our next production run, which will have some exciting updates... There's really a lot in the works and I can't wait to share more throughout the year. Our goal is to be where we're needed, when we're needed, stocked in every pediatric hospital globally.

Life isn't perfect. It took me three years and facing a big mess of trauma triggers to write this blog post. At the same time, I learned through our severe eczema and allergy healing journey blog posts that there's a great deal of purpose and healing in sharing for others. Sometimes we have to walk into the darkness to spread light. I'm grateful to everyone who does this type of work. Our babies deserve such a world.

Below is my reference list, which includes LifeBook, an online course that I am very grateful to have found. I also share some go-to healthy recipes and music playlists that helped me provide peace, comfort and support in my surroundings. If any of this helps, and I really hope it does, please consider sharing this post with others —whether to help guide them or to help them support you. 🤍

1. LeDoux, J. E. (1996). The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.
→ Threat detection, survival circuitry, pre-conscious processing

2. Postpartum Support International (PSI).
Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders: Clinical Overview and Resources.
https://www.postpartum.net
→ PMADs, postpartum anxiety, caregiving stress context

3. MGH Center for Women’s Mental Health.
Perinatal Mental Health Research and Clinical Guidance.
https://womensmentalhealth.org
→ Intrusive thoughts, anxiety vs depression, clinical distinctions

4. World Health Organization. (2014).
The WHO Application of ICD-10 to Deaths during Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Puerperium (ICD-MM). World Health Organization.
→ Classification and underreporting of maternal deaths

5. McEwen, B. S. (1998). Protective and damaging effects of stress mediators.
New England Journal of Medicine, 338(3), 171–179.
→ Allostatic load, chronic stress, physiological depletion

6. Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014).
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. New York, NY: Viking.
→ Trauma physiology, state-dependent symptoms, nervous-system regulation

7. Porges, S. W. (2011).
The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. New York, NY: W.W. Norton & Company.
→ Autonomic nervous system, fight–flight–freeze

8. Epperson, C. N., Steiner, M., & Hartlage, S. A. (2012).
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder: Evidence for a new category for DSM-5.
American Journal of Psychiatry, 169(5), 465–475.
→ PMDD as a neurobiological condition

9. Schmidt, P. J., Nieman, L. K., Danaceau, M. A., Adams, L. F., & Rubinow, D. R. (1998).
Differential behavioral effects of gonadal steroids in women with and without premenstrual syndrome.
New England Journal of Medicine, 338(4), 209–216.
→ Hormonal sensitivity and PMDD mechanisms

10. Gingnell, M., Bannbers, E., Wikström, J., Fredrikson, M., & Sundström-Poromaa, I. (2012).
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder and prefrontal reactivity during emotional processing.
American Journal of Psychiatry, 169(5), 465–475.
→ Reduced emotional regulation during PMDD window

11. Baller, E. B., Wei, S. M., Kohn, P. D., Rubinow, D. R., Schmidt, P. J., & Epperson, C. N. (2013).
Abnormalities of dorsolateral prefrontal cortex function in women with premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
Biological Psychiatry, 74(7), 546–553.
→ Neurocognitive control changes in PMDD

12. Sapolsky, R. M. (2004).
Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers: The Acclaimed Guide to Stress, Stress-Related Diseases, and Coping. New York, NY: Holt Paperbacks.
→ Stress physiology, exhaustion, collapse after prolonged activation

13. Knight, M., Bunch, K., Tuffnell, D., Patel, R., Shakespeare, J., Kotnis, R., & Kurinczuk, J. J. (Eds.). (2020).
Saving Lives, Improving Mothers’ Care: Lessons Learned from Maternal Deaths and Morbidity 2016–18.
MBRRACE-UK, National Perinatal Epidemiology Unit, University of Oxford.
→ Maternal suicidality prevalence and outcomes